Ambulance Driver

It was September 10^th 1989, the Houston Oilers were in town to play the Minnesota Vikings for the season opener. Don Criqui and Ahmad Rashad were in the booth calling the game for NBC. Future Hall of Famers Warren Moon, Bruce Matthews, Randall McDaniel and Gary Zimmerman were on the field. Jerry Burns was the Vikings coach and his counterpart, Jerry Glanville, was across the way.

The Ambulance Driver was there.

As I remember, the Oilers were favored and during the preceding week Glanville had been shooting off his mouth in the papers which resulted in a rather fired-up Vikings team.

Ambulance Driver was in his normal spot, standing just outside the 35 yard line where the trainers could signal us onto the field in case of a serious injury to a player or official. I’ve never received that signal but have taken injured players from the locker room to the hospital. This game was injury free from our perspective, however, and standing on the 35 yard line is a heck of a place to watch a professional football game. It also gave me the perfect vantage point for what was almost the first case of premeditated murder in the history of the National Football League.

As stated, the Vikes were fired up from the get-go and things only got hotter on our side of the field due to the continuous commentary by the original trash-talker, Chris Dishman, the Oilers strong safety. Dishman was a second year player out of Purdue and ended up having a long, serviceable, though not stellar career. The kid really had a mouth on him and he seemed to think that insulting opposing players shouldn’t be taken personally.

Well, the Vikings did take it personally, but none more so than Joey Browner.

Browner was the Vikings strong safety, and a big one. He was tall and built like a linebacker. Known as one of the surest tacklers in the NFL, Joey Browner was a rare 4 time All-American at USC, a first round draft choice, named to 6 Pro-Bowls and a member of the NFL’s All-Decade team.

Browner always sat in the same spot – at the end of the bench just over my right shoulder. He’d take his helmet off, put his elbows on his knees and would sit there just looking mean. Nobody sat near him.

At one point, early in the game, Dishman was directly down the line from me and was laughing and carrying on about something. Suddenly I was shouldered aside by Joey Browner with steam coming out of his ears.

“Dishman,” he hollered “CHRIS DISHMAN.”

Dishman heard his name and looked over our way.

“If you don’t shut the (bleep) up, I’m gonna come out there and kick your ass!”

Well, Dishman obviously couldn’t hear what was being said as he cupped his hand to his ear and started to walk over to see what kind of advice the famous Joey Browner had to impart to him..

What followed was a loud, profane, prolonged and very specific description of how Browner was going to kill him right there in front of 60,000 people and a national television audience if he heard one more word from him. It was a Bob Knight-like performance.

And the Ambulance Driver believed him – as did Chris Dishman.

During Browner’s diatribe Dishman seemed to melt as he meekly nodded his head. I wasn’t close enough to see but I bet tears came to his eyes. He may even have peed his pants, I know I almost did.

“I think he heard you that time.” I observed.

Joey Browner glared at me and said, “He’d better!” and with one last shake of his fist, Browner resumed his seat on the bench.

Needless to say, the trash talking was over.

The Vikings defeated the Oilers 38-7.